Meghan Spiro’s exhibit for October’s Second Saturday was pretty powerful.

The first I learned of it was in the grocery store checkout line, which is where most important information is traded and discussed. What stuck with me was not the subject matter, but the responses Meghan said she got from women she told about the project, which was an autobiographical visual and poetic exploration of the physical abuse she suffered during her marriage.

Therefore, we are lifting some of her photos from the show and publishing them here for more to see. At least one of them, “A Bloody, Beautiful Blooming” shown here, was featured in February 2019 at the local gallery Catalyst during their “Cycles” exhibit.

In order to help others who may harbor similar feelings Meghan experienced, this article not only displays select images of the art, but includes a deep dive into how she created the art.

About “Without Fear And Full Of Love”

“Without Fear And Full Of Love” is an autobiographical piece about surviving domestic violence and Meghan’s journey into healing, as told through photos, paintings and poetry. It debuted at BAU (Beacon Artist Union) in October 2019 and was curated by Russ Ritell, Meghan’s fellow artist and partner, who is a member at BAU Gallery.

“One in four women have been a victim of severe physical violence with an intimate partner in their lifetime, and I am one of them. For years, I spent my life in silence about the abuse, as it happened and in my attempts to recover. I found myself ill-equipped to handle my PTSD, my addictions, and my self-loathing. It wasn’t until I signed up to write this story and manifest these self-portraits that I actually began my deeper healing, transmuting my suffering into wisdom and my loathing into love. These poems and artwork are my truth that I bare to all who have suffered in silence over their abuse. It’s time to face our shadows in full honesty and rise above our pain in full embrace of our totality so that we may finally live without fear and full of love.”

— Meghan Spiro

About The Creative Process To Create The Art

The artwork included in the show was mixed-media, to say the least. It includes photography, painting, gold leaf, wings, snow, fire, so much. For the rest of this article, we’re going to let Meghan explain in her own words how she produced it:

The Origin Of “Without Fear And Full Of Love”

Meghan:

“This is a story about my first marriage that ended nearly 10 years ago. I felt so much shame after surviving domestic violence; I didn't tell many people. I quietly suffered with my PTSD and panic attack for years. Three years ago, I decided to confront my traumas head-first, so I did ayahuasca, a visionary hallucinogenic medicine that's said to be similar to 30 therapy sessions in one night. It was then that my heart cracked open, and I saw the roots of my panic attacks and PTSD, and so began my deeper healing.

“At the same time, I made a commitment to honor my healing and journey as a series of self portraits and poetry. Sometimes the images would come first, sometimes the poetry. Some images are unhinged from any writing. I'm making a book out of it, which is nearly done, but the show provides the highlights of the story.

“My fellow artist and partner Russ Ritell, who is a member at BAU Gallery, decided to curate my show for October, which coincides with Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I feel deeply honored to have this opportunity, and I dedicate this show to him. He has been a healing presence since I met him nearly four years ago. He encouraged me to tell the story through art in the first place.”

About The Self-Portraiture - Taking And Conceiving Of Images

Meghan:

“All of my artwork for this series are self portraits. The domestic violence artwork is about what actually happened. The piece that has a wound painted on my rib, for example, is actually about him breaking my rib. In the healing pieces, they are still realistic to my healing messages more symbolic.

"The Victim, The Vigilant, The Virtuous" is about the mindset shift I experienced in my ayahuasca journey. I aimed for each piece to be seen as a visual poem, reflective of my writing that often accompanies the artwork.

“Some of my self portraits were set on a timer with a tripod, while others had the assistance of friends. I would work out the concepts ahead of time, set the lighting, backdrops, wardrobe, make-up, and a tripod or a mark for the angle. Usually the friend who was helping me would be my test model. I would fully compose the shot with them, then we would switch so I would then be the model and they would simply click the shutter.

“As far as thinking up the concepts, they would just come to me when I was working out struggle of the lesson. Some images would come together in an afternoon, while others would take months. It depended on the setups, costumes, and compositing and digital work. There is a piece about microdosing on mushrooms that was a full collaboration with a good friend, Caren Charles. The background painting took months to manifest, and her body painting, the day of the shoot, took nearly four hours to complete. ‘A Bloody, Beautiful Blooming’ took only an afternoon, containing a simple self portrait and a still life that I did in my home.

“I digitally enhance my photos. Some of them are simply combining exposures, while others involve special effects. I'm a commercial photographer and great retoucher, so I put my commercial skills into my art for this series.”

The Use Of Gold Leaf In “Without Fear And Full Of Love”

Meghan:

“The gold leaf was used on a few of the photographs. The first one is called ‘Mend with Gold,’ an image about covering up the abuse. There's a Japanese method of mending pottery called Kintsugi. I always appreciated the sentiment of mending the broken to be beautiful again, and I felt like that was what I was doing to cover up the abuse. Before going out in public, I would spend an hour putting on makeup to hide all the marks. There was so much shame I felt about the abuse then. I was afraid to tell anyone. We carried on in public like it didn’t exist.

“There's a couple more pieces with gold leaf, photo transfers on marble. These two pieces call in animal medicine, the bull and the owl. The bull piece is called ‘Stubborn Resilience,’ and it's really about cutting through the victim mentality to see that resiliency is the touchstone to connecting with your third eye again. I adorned the third eye in the piece with gold leaf sacred geometry.

“The owl piece is called ‘Letting Go is Not a Slow Slide Down; It's a Freefall Until You Fly,’ named for the poem that it connects to. Last spring, I accidentally killed an owl while driving, and I honored her by photographing and burying her, but before I did, I clipped and cured her wings. Her medicine was to truly teach me that lesson, whether it was circumstances, perceptions, or people who no longer served me. The image has wings behind my head where I close my eyes in surrender, while a small figure falls to my third eye.

“The final piece that has gold leaf is ‘Mastery of Presence,’ where I'm meditating in front of a ring of fire and I'm covered in gold leaf. For the photo shoot, I covered myself in coconut oil and attached gold leaf to my face, chest, and arms then sat in front of a floral ring lit on fire in the snow. The gold here is all about celebrating my inner journey outward. I was called to these lyrics from Martin Gore that really embody the realization (more so than the poem that accompanies this piece). "Wisdom of ages, rush over me. Heighten my senses, enlighten me. Lead me on, eternally. The spirit of love is rising within me, talking to you now, telling you clearly, the fire still burns. "

“There are other threads throughout the work beyond the gold. Fire, water, and blood come up multiple times.”

Background On “A Bloody, Beautiful Blooming”

Let’s bring the focus back to the piece shown at the beginning of this article, “A Bloody, Beautiful Blooming.” A poem accompanies it that we wanted to connect you with, during this time of second looks at accepting women’s cycles as normal and celebrated, rather than hidden.

“My Moon”

A Bloody, Beautiful Blooming

December 2018, I did a womb meditation guided by my close friend Melissa Robin, then I journaled, wrote a poem, then created this artwork. One of the key visions I received from the womb meditation was the rooting that occurs on a woman’s moon, and that we all hold our trauma and ancestral trauma in the womb. Menstruation gives us the opportunity to release the energies of lovers, the traumas from miscarriages, pregnancies and abuse; it taps us into the current to our emotional and spiritual realm, as we women are channelers between the spiritual and physical realms through our wombs, and our ability to channel life.

This poem and artwork was featured in the show “Cycles” presented by CelebrateWomxn845 at Catalyst Gallery in Beacon, NY in February of 2019. Read the poem in full here.

Where To Find “Without Fear And Full Of Love” And Meghan Next

Meghan is finishing a book for “Without Fear And Full Of Love.” You can experience the gallery show inside of its pages. She is head-down focusing on it now. When it publishes, we’ll feature it in our Writerly Happenings series. Follow the show’s Instagram, @withoutfearandfulloflove for updates, artwork and poetry, as well as her personal Instagram, @meghanspiro.

Also follow Meghan through her Philasophia. For instance, Philasophia Cinema Series is presenting FRIDA at Story Screen on Tuesday, November 19, 2019 at 7 pm.